Monday, March 14, 2011

Catharsis

Some of you may have noticed, I haven't been blogging for a while. Actually, for quite a long time. I do think about it, just about every day. But then I push it off for one reason or another. But in the end, there really is only one true reason why I haven't been blogging: catharsis.


Hey? Yes I know, it's not a word we use every day (though it is a very good word), but it's one that sums up my situation at the moment.

Here are a few definitions of this word.

Catharsis: a purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art

Catharsis: a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension

Catharsis: elimination of a complex by bringing it to consciousness and affording it expression

I have recently begun a major catharsis in my life. I can't say I've had a catharsis as I'm still very much in the midst of it. And for a while, it took over my life. In a very violent and invasive way. But now that I've found a new sense of stability and, in a lot of ways, a new sense of me, I'm enjoying every minute of it. Well, ,maybe not EVERY minute of it, but the great majority of them.

It's been a huge awakening or rather "bringing to consciousness" of things that have been inside of me for a long time. And this consciousness has led to a resetting of priorities in my life.

When I began Chichiboulie about 6 years ago, it was to find a way to use my creativity while at home with young children. Little did I know when, not having painted for literally 20+ years and never having done it professionally, off the cuff one day I signed up for a school fair that was taking place 4 days later (and no, I had no paintings in my possession to show at that point) where it would all lead. It's been a fabulous ride and along the way I have learned loads of new things and met some incredibly people.

But along that very same road, I somewhere lost a sense of what Chichiboulie is all about. As it turns out, the increasing pressures to sell, to complete orders, and to be discovered gradually eroded the pleasure I found in creating. To the point where there was no pleasure left. I thought for a while of closing Chichiboulie all together.

But through a lot of talking and thinking and reading and mediating, I have gotten back to the true me. And been able to take a step back from all that isn't me. In a lot of ways, I am beginning a new chapter in my life, but I hope to hang on to Chichiboulie as a way to express newfound pleasures and joys.

And so from now on, Chichiboulie will be about fun, as it was meant to be.

6 comments:

Rita alias alatvian said...

Thank you so much for sharing!
Happy to hear you are moving on!
Good luck and have fun!

sassypackrat said...

Sounds like what I'm starting to go thru right now. It's so hard to work thru it all and make firm decisions. Art should be fun and full of joy not pressures and worries otherwise what's the point? Glad to hear you are making a new beginning! Best of luck!

Giffysk8s said...

Girl, I sure do relate!

As women, we wear so many hats that's it's easy to get buried beneath them. I am glad and thankful that you've rediscovered what brings you joy. It's always nice to have a happy head on which to pile the hats. :)

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you!

Miss Gracie Hair Bows said...

Lovely post and well done for admitting then finding what brings you joy. I have gone through something similar, blamed it on last year's illness and needing to prioritise but maybe it is just one more phase of growing up.
Think of you often, only just referred somone to your site on Saturday. x

aliceinparis said...

Hello! Nice to see you again:)

gretchenmist . . . {belinda} said...

so interesting to read this and i'm happy that you've worked through some stuff. it's so exhausting trying to keep up with it all . . . you are right, the pressure!!
yay for the fun side :)