Some of you may have noticed, I haven't been blogging for a while. Actually, for quite a long time. I do think about it, just about every day. But then I push it off for one reason or another. But in the end, there really is only one true reason why I haven't been blogging: catharsis.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Hey? Yes I know, it's not a word we use every day (though it is a very good word), but it's one that sums up my situation at the moment.
Here are a few definitions of this word.
Catharsis: a purification or purgation of the emotions (as pity and fear) primarily through art
Catharsis: a purification or purgation that brings about spiritual renewal or release from tension
I have recently begun a major catharsis in my life. I can't say I've had a catharsis as I'm still very much in the midst of it. And for a while, it took over my life. In a very violent and invasive way. But now that I've found a new sense of stability and, in a lot of ways, a new sense of me, I'm enjoying every minute of it. Well, ,maybe not EVERY minute of it, but the great majority of them.
It's been a huge awakening or rather "bringing to consciousness" of things that have been inside of me for a long time. And this consciousness has led to a resetting of priorities in my life.
When I began Chichiboulie about 6 years ago, it was to find a way to use my creativity while at home with young children. Little did I know when, not having painted for literally 20+ years and never having done it professionally, off the cuff one day I signed up for a school fair that was taking place 4 days later (and no, I had no paintings in my possession to show at that point) where it would all lead. It's been a fabulous ride and along the way I have learned loads of new things and met some incredibly people.
But along that very same road, I somewhere lost a sense of what Chichiboulie is all about. As it turns out, the increasing pressures to sell, to complete orders, and to be discovered gradually eroded the pleasure I found in creating. To the point where there was no pleasure left. I thought for a while of closing Chichiboulie all together.
But through a lot of talking and thinking and reading and mediating, I have gotten back to the true me. And been able to take a step back from all that isn't me. In a lot of ways, I am beginning a new chapter in my life, but I hope to hang on to Chichiboulie as a way to express newfound pleasures and joys.
And so from now on, Chichiboulie will be about fun, as it was meant to be.